being "girly"

This morning as I was doing my hair and getting ready for work, I was thinking about how I've always struggled with being "girly" or just not caring about all that stuff. When I say "girly" I'm referring to dressing up, makeup, doing your hair and all that stuff that comes with being a woman. When I met Pat, yikes 8 years ago!, I had just gotten to college and was still in my tomboy mode. Not that I never enjoyed getting dressed up or any of that, because I did, but compared to many of my other friends in high school, I just didn't care that much. I preferred hanging out with my good guy friends, Bryan and Jay, instead of hanging out with a bunch of girls. I'm sure it has to do with having two brothers and not having a sister, but that's always where I felt the most comfortable. I hadn't experienced many "girly" things like getting a pedicure, or buying a piece of clothing that cost more than $50, maybe even $30.

So I meet Pat...and he loves me for who I am and doesn't care that I don't care about all that girly stuff. Many of our first "dates" were either playing in the aisles at Toys R' Us, watching ESPN or repeatedly watching Dumb & Dumber and laughing every time! Throughout college though something changed with me. I don't know if it's that I joined a sorority and was surrounded by other women or that I lived with other women, or what it was but I started to care more about "girly" things. I started wearing a bit more makeup - eye shadow...that was big for me! And I cared more about what clothes I wore, what my hair looked like, etc. I don't think it's a bad thing that I was able to open up this side me, after all I am a girl, but I think it's something that I had suppressed for so long and denied that I like any of that girly stuff whatsoever.

Certain moments stick out in my mind of when I realized I had started to change a little bit. My sophomore year of college left me with 3 months of complete exhaustion from being so sick for three solid months. I lost a ton of weight (I look gross in pictures) and poor Pat had to drive me to class everyday because I was too weak to walk and kept getting sick to my stomach, at least 3-4 times a day. No doctor could figure out what was wrong with me, except that it might have been stress. Whatever it was it finally passed but I remember during it, feeling so self conscious of what I looked like, because I did look sick. I remember Pat waiting for me as I put makeup on one morning before class, which I really didn't care about before. I was embarrassed at how weak I looked.

Then I remember going with Pat to visit his good friend, Marc, in Connecticut and staying on a sailboat there with him. One morning I was showering at the marina and Marc's girlfriend and another girl that had been sailing were in and out of the shower, dressed and out the door before I had even finished showering! I remember feeling like such a prissy girl that it took me that long to get ready!

Do women hide behind all the makeup and hair? I don't think so...cause I don't feel like I'm hiding anything. I think maybe it adds to our beauty and we were all made to be beautiful women! Not that I don't think I'm not that way when I'm all natural but it's fun to be girly now and do my hair and makeup. I still don't spend a ridiculous amount on clothes, in fact I still have some clothes that I had 8 years ago! And I still am not one of those girls that has to have diamonds and jewelry, I personally think spending money on that stuff is a waste. I love my engagement/wedding ring cause it's small and that's just what I like, it's beautiful but doesn't have to be flashy. And maybe that's a good way to look at women...they're beautiful but don't have to be flashy!

I am still a tomboy at heart, I'd prefer my hair in a ponytail any day compared to the curling I attempted this morning (which I just don't even bother trying half the time cause it takes too long). I love running and playing in the rain and think food fights are a blast...especially when I get Pat good! I'm just having fun exploring the more feminine side of myself too, and I don't think that's a bad thing.