a year ago

A year ago today our lives were changed forever. We had just returned from our first day back at work after our unforgettable trip to London. We were still on that vacation high you get. The one where everything seems in a haze and all you want is to be back from where you just came from. We kept saying how much we wanted a hot chocolate from the corner shop in Notting Hill, how a European beer sounded so good, how we wanted to be walking and riding the Tube instead of sitting in rush hour traffic and how we should consider moving to London for a few years.

I had survived a confrontation with Detroit's airport bathroom - standing in front of the toilet just wishing I could get sick instead of feeling like I did. And when I emerged Pat said "I think you're pregnant." To which I laughed and said no way.

The next day something just kept telling me to go spend the ridiculous amount on the pregnancy test just to know for sure. I picked out one of the most expensive kinds that involved no blue or pink lines but instead said "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant."

I went home and took the test and left it on the bathroom sink. Pat and I went about unpacking and playing with our dog who was the main reason we didn't go flat hunting while in London. After awhile I walked back into the bathroom to check the result. I really did not think I was pregnant so I was in no rush to find out the negative result. But I was mistaken, clear as day it read "Pregnant." I laughed (seriously this was my reaction) and told Pat he better come here to look. He looked and picked up the box to read the directions. He said "Did you do this, and then this..." on and on. I said, "Yes! I didn't take the test strip, dip it in the toilet and it came out positive!!!"

We stood in the bathroom looking at the "Pregnant" result. I always pictured us crying and jumping up and down at this news. But instead we stood staring at each other in shock. Not that we weren't happy, we just couldn't believe after this big vacation that was the news we'd come home to.

It sunk in several days later as I realized many of the things I was going to need to change in the next 9 months, things we had to prepare for, things that had to happen to our house to make room and all the unknown things we'd be dealing with once the baby arrived.
I remember the free feeling we had on our trip. We were experiencing and drinking in the culture of London and Paris. We couldn't get enough of it. Pat and I were in our element surrounded by art and new explorations.

Standing in our bathroom I think we both quickly realized it wasn't just the two of us anymore. We were three, right then and there. No more "Are we ready for child?" or "How will that change our lives?" From one test that takes 5 minutes there's no way we would find out the answers...we just had to jump right in with no turning back. These trip pictures would be the last we'd take without knowing we were pregnant. Before my belly took on the round shape and the tiredness and sickness arrived.
We are almost positive that I got pregnant on this trip. Must have been something in the rainy air. We will always be able to look at Zane and have memories from our trip - our little souvenir. I'd say he's better than any tea cup. A tea cup sitting in my cupboard isn't going to bring back those feelings of freedom from our trip but somehow I know Zane always will. He's got explorer written all over him and I know that these trips aren't over for us.

We want to take Zane along, for him to experience things we didn't get a chance to till later in life. We want him to appreciate and honor the world he lives in.

So here's to rainy days and warm tea, famous paintings and new artists, standing on tombs marked 1400 and breathing in steam from baths used moons ago. And to people watching in parks or napping as we watch hand made sailboats skim the water, to knowing what we were about to eat or drink was going to be great because we asked the locals and to experience it all with my best friend.