climbing the ladder

I had this vision of myself in the real world when I was headed into college. I'd read articles of women breaking through the glass ceiling and climbing the corporate ladder to be key leaders of their companies. I saw myself in New York City, in an expensive trendy outfit, rushing amongst the other New Yorkers to make my next meeting. Hailing a cab to make it back to the office in time to meet with another client and working late to make sure I accomplished all that needed done in a day. I was a writer of some kind whether it be for a magazine, a PR firm or a publisher. Maybe I was married, maybe I was single, but I still had time for friends and we all traveled to places I've always wanted to go.

And then something changed. It's taken years for this change to come to complete fruition and it's not there yet. I still struggle with this image that I had of what I would become. It wasn't a fair assessment at all, because at the time I didn't have my priorities straight, I hadn't had time to figure myself out (not that I have this figured out completely, but I explored it more).

In my new role as a working mom I'm seeing how things have been laid out before me to prepare me for this role. I didn't need to be in NYC, climbing corporate ladders quickly, focused on my job 24/7. How would I have had time to hang out with those friends and travel anyways? I may not be a world traveler but we'll get places eventually, step by step, and we'll completely take in each moment we choose to explore a new place. Breath in the new places, learn what they're about, instead of just being tourists.

And I'll help expose my children to this but most importantly expose them to the balance in life. That it isn't about what you do or a title at work that makes you someone. And it isn't about all the places you've been or the number of books you've read. It's about enjoying it and enjoying it with others.

I'm struggling with where I fit into all of this right now. What is my next step? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing? Why do I care so much what I tell others when they ask what I do?

What's the next step I need to take up my own ladder to being who I'm meant to be? It's not someone's ladder, it's my own and I get to make it my own.