creating

As I was leaving to help my mom photograph a wedding I left to this scene at our house. Zane was running around outside while Pat painted. I love that our son will grow up surrounded by art and the act of creating. We joke that he'll grow up to be a CPA and marry some girl who loves to decorate country instead of following our artist ways. But what we do hope is that he has such an appreciation for things that are handmade and crafted with someone's talented hands.

one of those days...the good ones that is!

I am learning that in this thing called parenting you have some days that you don't ever want to end and then there's those other days that you're wondering if vacation could ever come soon enough...the screaming, the whining, etc. We had one of the first kind of days this weekend. How lovely is that?!!!

This is what I dreamed about when I thought of myself as a parent. I wanted to be out exploring with my kids, getting dirty with them and helping them appreciate all the beauty that surrounds them. So this is exactly what we did...we headed to the park and explored!

These photos are a mix of Pat and I's. Pat grabbed the camera and was having so much fun because I rarely let him have it anymore! Bonus to that is that I'm in the photos, that problem I keep seeming to have!

I love that we're okay with him just getting dirty and figuring things out. Kids kept going over the bridge when we were down by the creek asking their parents if they could go down there too. Their parents kept saying "No, you'll get dirty." Oops...were we supposed to worry about that?

So here are many photos...this is the norm number I show on the photography blog for sneak previews so I thought hey...time to do it here for this great day we had! And check out other Best Shots this week at Mother May I.

The park started out with some ice cream.

And then when the ice cream was all gone there were some tears.

But never fear we found a stick which made it all better!

And he might even like the taste better than ice cream.Daddy having fun with the camera.

Mommy and Zane looking for birds.And digging for worms.

Could he seriously be any happier?! And he has on our favorite new shirt. Mr. Mischief, which is one of the series of some of his favorite books.

More looking for things with Mommy.

Jackpot! He found the creek!

We head on down to see what he thinks and after holding onto Mommy for a bit he was pretty comfortable with it! Don't ask me what I'm doing...people kept walking by on the bridge and I was afraid my pants were riding too low!Seeing how cold it is.

Who needs shoes anyways?

Daddy wants to play too.

Love this shot!

I couldn't be prouder that he's so comfortable with his butt right in the mud!Throwing rocks.

Signing to us that he hears a bird.

Watching for the bird.

I'm in a photo!

One thing I'm starting to realize is that I'm not in a lot of photos with Zane. So my goal in the next couple of months is to hand the camera to Pat to make sure that starts to happen more!

I'm finally starting to go through family photos! I am so behind on them as I've been keeping up with client photos instead! I found these that Pat took a couple months ago and they just made me smile!

mother's day

Yesterday was gorgeous, Zane was in a gorgeous mood, the weather, all of it. Today, Mother's Day, we woke up to thunder storms and Zane slept till 8:30! First Mother's Day gift...excellent! Second one...snuggling with Mommy while listening to the rain pour down. After breakfast...he forget it was Mother's Day!

We started off with some poop in the tub. Enough said about that! Then we moved into let me scream and tantrum about everything I come into contact with. A couple of toys had to be taken away because he just couldn't handle the fact that he had to lift one to go over the rug and had a major meltdown several times. As I was trying to put the toy into the closet because we ALL needed a break from it he ran after me screaming, tears and all and almost body dived to block the closet door from shutting the toy within. Oh my! He didn't really lighten up the whole day including dinner at Grandma's.

He did end the day on a high note with running around Grandma's in his pjs making funny faces and laughing.

So some days I'm reminded what certain aspects of motherhood look like. And then he cuddles into my shoulder at night and gives me one last grin as I tuck him in...and I'm refreshed for tomorrow, after a whole lot of sleep that is!

Happy Mother's Day to everyone feeling sleep deprived, a bit stressed and all at the same time joyful!

sorrow

On Monday I received news when I arrived to work that a friend from college, who is now one of my co-workers, had lost her baby. Her precious son lived for three days and filled their hearts and their families' hearts with joy in those short moments. My heart is aching for them right now.

I experienced something today that I will never forget, yet am hesitant to share because I have a sister-in-law who is pregnant, friends who are expecting as well and friends who have recently had a child. So a warning ahead of time if you need to stop reading right now. I chose to share the story of today because without ever meeting him, he has touched me.

The mother called me yesterday and I spoke with her for awhile. We had talked several times about me taking photos of their new family once the baby arrived. I had all kinds of ideas for their cute photos. The phone call yesterday was to ask me to take photographs today of their son. They had only been able to get photos with him hooked up to all of the tubes, and not in a peaceful state. She wanted to have me take some photos so they could remember the way he looked, without the medical devices hooked up to him. I could hear her crying on the other end. She told me I could say no because she knew as a mother it would be a hard thing to do. I told her that if this somehow brought comfort to her and her husband that I would be more than willing to do that for her.

After I hung up the phone I talked to Pat and was sobbing. How could I ever photograph a child who has passed on? It seems weird, but there are photographers who volunteer their time all over the country to do this for families in similar situations. Normally they come to the hospital in the final moments or just there after but sometimes the family isn't told of them till later. The organization is called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. You can see them featured on the Today Show here. I highly recommend watching this, but if you are pregnant I would maybe wait to watch it.

After talking to Pat and encouragement from some others I realized this had nothing to do with me. That God had just set in front of me a way to use my gift to comfort someone in deep, unexplainable pain. I woke up this morning and felt confident that I was supposed to do this for them. I met them at the church and joined them and their family after they had some moments with him alone. I hugged the mother and as she whispered into my ear how much she was thankful that I was doing this. I told her we were praying for them and that I couldn't find words that would comfort her. She spoke of how the pain was so sharp and how their lives would never be the same. She stood with a soft, silky stuffed animal in her hand, clutching to the idea of her little boy doing just that. She then told me that she knew God would get them through this and that it would get better and the pain wouldn't be has harsh, but that it would take time.

She then showed me over to this tiny casket where her son lay. I somehow kept it together and talked to her about what little features she wanted me to take a photos of. As her family sat in the pews, the paster off to the side and the mother and father behind me, I captured the small beautiful features of this child who had just touched all of these lives in only three days.

It is slightly a blur as to what my mind was thinking as I did this. I was concentrating so hard and double checking each photo to make sure exposure, focus, etc. were just right. They will have only these photos to help them grieve and know that this child did bless them, even if for just a short period of time.

After taking the photos I hung around for a bit with some of my coworkers. After talking to the mother again she kept telling me that I needed to go get something to eat. This is what a sweet person she is, in such a painful state she was worrying about others. I did leave, more to get fresh air than anything, and sat in a chair with a lunch all by myself, just numb of what to think.

It makes me angry that a young life can come and go like that. That we work at a hospital that has story after story of tiny successes and yet their child couldn't be one of those success stories. Not because the doctors didn't fight hard enough or the nurses weren't there for every need but because God called him to leave after just that short time.

I returned and read through some stories they had written to let everyone know some of the funny traits their son had in just the few days he was here. I looked through a scrapbook that was made to include all the photos of their precious boy with pages in the front filled with nursery photos, showers, and then followed by pages that had been designed to have photos placed in them as their child grew but no photos will fill those pages. The service was beautiful and the paster could barely make it through his words, pausing several times to keep his composure.

I spent tonight laughing with Zane on the bed as we read a book called Just in Case You Ever Wonder. As Zane totally didn't pay attention to me and instead played with Truman sorrow filled me completely. I ache for them and for how that feeling in her throat, that tighting with pain, probably won't go away for a very long time. I attempted to rock Zane to sleep a bit and he just kept reaching for his bed wanting to go to sleep. The poor kid had no clue why Mommy was clutching onto him with tears coming down her face. After I got him to give me sloppy, wet kisses I laid him down, shut the door, and paused.

It's not fair and it doesn't make sense. It angers me that such a young life can come and go so quickly. But somehow his parents, family and the lives he has touched without so many of us having ever known him, somehow he has challenged us to look at our lives in a different way.

Please pray for this family as their pain is so real and raw.

If you feel compelled please make a donation to Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep to help other families have the comfort of the memory that their child was here and did bless them.

perspective

We have been complete chaos in our house. Pat and I are on our computers every waking minute it seems trying to get work done. We stop to play with Zane and jump back to the computer when he naps. I have a LOAD of photos to edit and am headed to bed right now so I can get up super early to edit before swimming and voting, followed by more editing.

I have felt on the edge, like there's a pile of stuff to accomplish and it's not getting any smaller. And then I hear news, news that broke my heart, made my throat swell with holding back tears and made me realize that it may be chaotic but we are blessed.

I don't understand the news I heard today. It makes me angry, upset and want to know why things like this can happen? I'm confused and yet know that there has to be light within it somehow for those involved. We're praying a lot for a family tonight and can't imagine their pain.

in the midst of chaos there are perfect moments

Zane and I pulled into the driveway after a quick trip to the grocery store and it started down pouring. We ran inside and Zane stood at the back door pointing to the rain. It's wasn't storming or dangerous so I thought let's go play! I put on his jacket and we ran circles on our deck in the pouring down ran. I was laughing, he was laughing, it was perfect!

We splashed puddles, chased each other and laughed more. The back of our house faces a road and as cars drove by in the downpour I kept thinking they probably think I'm a crazy mom having a toddler out in this! Well if they could've stopped for just a moment they would have seen the fun we were having.

Unfortunately the fun stopped with a spill Zane took that ended up with his forehead meeting the concrete. So he's now in dry clothes and is down for a nap with a large shiner on his head! Oh well...we had fun and sometimes the best fun ends with a small injury. He only cried for a minute and was more annoyed with me trying to hold something cold on it!

So among all the craziness we've had going on those 10 minutes playing in the rain made it seem like everything's going to be okay.

adjusting

I'm still adjusting to this new schedule. I haven't been getting up to work out in the mornings and I'm staying up late on the nights when I have a day off and then I can't get up on those mornings. I have a pile of photography stuff stacked up and as I type I'm waiting for files to move to my new hard drive so I can start editing some more.

I'm not sure why I feel so overwhelmed right now. I LOVE my new job and I LOVE officially working with my mom now. I miss reading, making some time for myself and blogging. I can't seem to fit it all in right now. I just can't get into the groove of things. I'm sure I will eventually, but my lack of patience and it being a month into it all, I was hoping to be there NOW! I see where our son gets it from (although a lot is from Daddy too!)

Enough venting because I just received a phone call...Zane's future wife was born today!!! Congrats Brandon & Beth!!! We cannot wait to lay our eyes on your beautiful girl and we think Grace Laurent sounds fabulous! It almost sounds British!!! YEAH! :)

confessions of a non-singing mom

Zane wasn't so sure about how cold the water was at first.

Getting used to the cold water.

Chasing after a ducky.

Checking out the adult swimmers next to us.

You think he's having fun huh? He's flirting with the lifeguards!

Someone hit his sleepy mood!

Heading out of the pool...and time for a nap!

Zane and I had our first parent/child swim lessons this week. My mom joined us for the first one to grab some photos, unfortunately the windows were all the way on the other end but she still got Zane's grin so that's all that counts!

I had no clue what to expect going into it but one thing - I wanted to get Zane even more comfortable with the water. My parents have a pool and Pat's parents have a lake house so Zane has to be familiar with the water and hopefully he'll learn some things too. What I wasn't expecting was singing!

I should have known with the age group of 9-18 months. I'm not completely against singing, Zane and I sing all the time BUT I'm not cool with doing it in a group. A little too much cheese for me! This is why I'm not an preschool teacher I guess!

We circled in the water and sang at the same time and had motions to go with them. I only knew one of the 5 songs we sang! Oops!!! Zane and I listen to music but more like the Beatles and Jack Johnson and other things. Sometimes we listen to kids music and I have tons of books with the songs that we read but again, not loving it in the group setting!

I told Pat I felt like a bad mom because I wasn't into that. I'm sure I'm not alone and maybe some of the other mom's there felt the same way. We're still going, and we'll sing cheesy songs, so that Zane can get the hang of the water! The things we do for our kids!

continued amazement

Tonight it all came together and hit me at once...Zane is no longer a baby! Did someone forget to tell me about this happening?

Last night Zane and I played outside for at least an hour. We walked around our street until Daddy got home, back and forth we went. We interrupted a neighbor having a disagreement with his teenage daughter and I thought "Not too fast Zane, slow down the growing please!"

Before a nap today he kept reaching for his room. I followed him in and he grabbed his teddy and stood in front of the crib! Seriously? Did he just tell me it was time for his nap???!!!

Then tonight we ate dinner, after he signed to us he wanted to eat and when he wanted more. We said it was time to get ready for night night and he walked right into his room and pulled his teddy out of the crib! After getting his PJ's on we grabbed a book and told him it was time to read a book and he followed us into our room. Mind you we have only been reading his night time story in our room for a bit over a week (we moved his nursery chair into our room). He climbed up onto our bed and snuggled in for a story. After I read he wanted to flip the pages himself. We told him it was time for bed and he grabbed the book, climbed off the bed and followed us into his room.

As Pat was praying over Zane I just stood in amazement. What just happened in a matter of 15 minutes? Our son just did so much on his own and wasn't the little baby who I rocked softly to sleep while Daddy read a book. Where did my baby go in one day?

It's amazing to watch the changes but sad at the same time. It makes me want another little one so I can enjoy both stages at the same time...but NO announcements. Just being sentimental right now!

still here

As I sit and wait for wedding photos to back up I'm realizing that the next week will be one of closings and of new beginnings. That sounds all fancy and what not but it also means craziness. It's my last week of my job, it's my birthday, group, Senior High, dinner with the family, photo shoot on Friday, spending quality time with Zane & Pat (my birthday gift from them involves the art museum or zoo...I told Pat I just wanted to get out with them). Oh and in the middle...editing 3 photo shoots + a wedding! Not complaining but feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Okay, I'm breathing now. But I'll be a bit light on the posting side of things and commenting. I might still read quickly but there won't be a lot of time for comments.

Lacey & Jason - congratulations!!! Thank you for asking me to be part of your wedding and seeing your smiles and tears in your eyes up close was so beautiful. RELAX on your honeymoon!

I plan to celebrate my birthday by staying calm amongst the chaos. As Zane reminded me tonight by his belly laughs from me saying scoot in a funny voice as we scooted along the wall and watched our shadows, chaos may be around us but we still have time to laugh at our shadows!

the cathedral

(Notre Dame Cathedral, Paris)

I received this in an email from a friend yesterday and it reminded me of how I feel sometimes when I sit with my friends that are not mothers yet.

I sometimes feel out of place, like I can't relate anymore and that maybe I don't deserve to relate anymore. I'm different and yet I can't pinpoint all the differences. I know how much my friends support me but it's something I'm telling myself. I have recently made career decisions that lead me to more creative, have more time with my son and I wonder what they think. I wonder if they think of the girl who was so involved in college, graduated with honors and had a career path that seemed so clear. I wonder, but then reading something like this calms some of those thoughts.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; 'The Invisible Mom.'

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride..I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder.. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

believe

I opened my lunch this morning to put it in the fridge at work. Inside it was a note from Pat that said:

"God believes in you and so do I."

I want change now! I want it on my time and to my liking. I want to believe that the direction I'm headed is the absolute right one, with no other options. But it's not that simple, it's not always black and white. There's lots of gray area and I have to believe in what I'm trying to do.

We are surrounded by so much joy and opportunity is knocking loudly at our front door. So loud that it takes me hours to fall asleep because my head is spinning from it all.

I have to stop doubting. I have to be me, believe in my creativity and run with it.

(picture is from the decorations I put together for Lacey's bachelorette party this past weekend)

why buy expensive toys?

I saw this over at Barely Controlled Chaos and laughed so much! I had to share this. If we've learned anything as new parents it's that the simplest items can make for laughs and intrigue more than expensive toys!

all wiped out

We're all are recovering from two wonderful, low key birthday dinners for Zane. Pat's passed out on the couch and I'm working on photos, both for us and clients.

With two birthday dinners you think we would've remembered to light a candle and sing happy birthday. Or not! After Pat's family left this evening it hit me that we completely forgot to sing to him and put the candle on the cupcake! I was in tears. I know, it's really not that big of a deal and he won't remember, but I felt like the worst mom ever. My family and Pat and I sang to him with me in tears. My mom offered to go put a candle in one of the cupcakes but I told her it wasn't that big of a deal. I'm not sure why in the world it made me cry to tell you the truth. I don't know if I'm still in shock that my little guy is one or if everything I've been stressed about is causing me to cry like that, which is so not typical of me.

Even without the candle and singing we had so much fun watching Zane try out his first run with sugar. And so far he's sleeping. Here's a peak at the cupcakes. You can see a couple more photos here. Promise to get more up soon!

so not prepared

Recently it's hit me how unprepared we were to be parents. We weren't expecting to find out we were pregnant and although we had some friends who had kids I just don't think we paid attention when they went through the whole new baby thing. It just seemed so far out for us. We were focused on looking into possibly moving out of the country for a bit and then here comes baby!

I now see friends and my sister-in-law go through the pregnancy thing and their preparations and realize just how clueless we were! We didn't go into Babies R Us until it was time to register. We didn't have a clue what was there or where anything was. I avoided this place at all costs before! I always went to get baby gifts at Target instead. Even then it took Pat and I 20 minutes to find an aspirator for a baby shower once!

As I was brushing Zane's teeth last night for the first time this all hit me again. I had no clue what I was doing as I stuck this little toothbrush in his mouth for him to just bite down on it! I know the Peds dentist said it was important to brush as soon as the teeth came all the way through. Zane seemed to enjoy it when he let me actually move the brush.

Pat and I laugh a lot about this. Although we always knew we'd have a family we just didn't pay attention to things like others seem to do. We weren't gazing at baby stuff dreaming of the day we'd have one. Instead we walked by it quickly for fear it might pull us into that!

Zane, we hope that we're not doing any long-term damage to you as we experiment with what works and doesn't! Sorry that we were so clueless but I guess that makes it more fun!

thoughts at 3:30 am

We've been breaking Zane of his pacifier habit. The first two nights were rough and now it seems to be going much better. He even seems to have dropped the need for it during naps.

I wrote this the other day after being up with him on one of his bad nights...

It's so late yet I can't hold you close enough. As I rock I can feel your head getting heavier and heavier on my shoulder. I feel your breathing slow down to deep sleepy breaths. Our breathing begins to get on beat with each other but your's is still a wee bit faster than mine. I can see the back of your head through the fraction of light from the night light and I lean in to smell your precious head.

I know you're asleep but decide to rock you for 15 more minutes because I don't want the moment to pass. I miss these moments and now that you're on the move we don't get to have these as much. So I'll take it at 3:30 in the morning and not complain.

Your head is now in the complete sleep heaviness. I think about how I felt almost a year ago, how confused I was with this new title called Mother. And then I think not only how my life has changed because I am a Mother but how you've made me look at myself more than I ever have before. I'm more focused because of you. Knowing that one day you'll ask me why I do what I do has made me look at my life in different ways. I'm re-focusing and taking a look at ways to live each day joyfully. You've challenged me spiritually to commit myself completely to what I believe in, not half-hearted.

You've done all of this without ever speaking a word. God brought you to me to help transform me this year into a person, a Mother, I couldn't picture 11 months ago when I held you just the same I do tonight.

mom-to-mom

Last night I went to dinner with a friend who is expecting. We talked about all kinds of things and had a chance to talk about some of her worries/fears with becoming a mom. I tried to offer some advice and just to listen. It feels like just yesterday I was in her shoes.

This morning as I was getting ready I thought about how there's just so much you want to say to an expecting mother but you don't know how to put it into words. The emotions you go through are like nothing you've experienced before, one moment you're elated, the next you want to run the other way. You get confused, want to be 100% prepared and are trying to read and intake all the information you can to become as educated as possible.

And then arrives this baby. This baby that you've felt move for months, that you worried so much about making through the whole time for a healthy baby. And you hear the baby cry, see him move and see his little swollen eyes look at you. And maybe just for a few moments all of those fears and worries drift away as you hold one of God's finest creations in your hands.

Moments later the fears and worries might come swimming back into your mind but it's different now. You have a different view on things. Those worrisome nights and wondering if your prepared never go away, but they take on a different life. And yes things are sometimes stressful and you're thinking what did we do.

I wanted to tell her in so many words that it's worth every minute of confusion and worrying.

we've had a day

I had several things I wanted to accomplish today while Zane napped. Nothing huge but little things before we headed off to see his grandparents. Last night was filled with diarrhea, throw up and then more of each. Finally he passed out for bed. I was hoping that it was just something weird and secluded to last night.

Today at 6 am Pat brought him into bed with me, after another episode with the diaper changing. I wanted him to try to sleep just a bit more. At least we got to sleep in because we both didn't wake up till 9am when the phone rang. The rest of the day is a wash, details involve lots and lots of whining, pulling on my pants (mind you I am still in sweat pants, haven't been able to shower and it's 6:30pm), crying and throwing his head back constantly. Do I need to continue? I think I've seen a couple of smiles try to crack his fussy face but just for brief moments. He wouldn't go down for naps and I finally fell to trying to lay with him and get him to sleep. At least he did that for a bit but if I had to get up to use the restroom he'd wake and cry.

Two front teeth are coming through and my parent's house has been passing around a cold so I'm not sure what he has. Whatever it is it NEEDS to go away!!!! I love my son, but today has sucked.

Our plans got changed to go up north to see Pat's parents. Pat had to work late so we didn't get to leave in time to make their party. Bummed out about that but I guess maybe it's better for Zane too. Or I should say better for everyone else not to hear his screams. I was thinking we'd drop him off and leave him till all his teeth come in! Not sure they'd be okay with that! Ha!

UPDATE: Since Pat got home Zane has been Mr. Sunshine! WHAT??? Pat probably thinks I'm lying about the day now. Next time I'm filming it for proof!

love came down for christmas

As Christmas approaches Pat and I have been talking a lot about what we want this season to mean to our family. This has already brought up some traditions we're starting but it's more than that. We want to make sure it's not made out to be all about the gifts, we want to do that in moderation. We want our family to approach the holiday with open arms to help others, as we would hope to do all year long as well. We're trying to think of various ways that we can do this and have Zane be part of this too. Of course his participation will be minimal this year, but we why not start it now?

We've come up with some good options and I'm really excited about them. Christmas to us will hopefully be to just have a few things under the tree for Zane but to know that out there our family has made a difference, no matter how small it might be.