in the midst of the screaming

This weekend was not on the list of the best weekends for Zane. He screamed probably 80% of the time. It started Friday night when we went out to dinner and continued on Saturday as I took him to Jenni's baby shower in Crown Point (2 1/2 hour drive). He was quiet for the first hour and then the last hour and half he screamed bloody murder. We got to the shower location and he calmed down after eating but in no time picked up right where he left off.

Now normally, after this continued for awhile, I would place him in the crib or swing and let him eventually calm himself down. This however is not an option when you're in a room surrounded by women. They were all very nice and trying to offer help but it just stressed me out more. From "does he need to eat?" to "did you change his diaper?" to "gas drops always worked for my kids..." on and on. And then if it wasn't advice it was the feeling that everyone was watching me try to get my kid to BE QUIET! Then I was second guessing everything I did. Was I trying to give him the pacifier to much? Am I holding him weird? Do they think I'm a crazy young mom who doesn't know what she's doing? (Well that is true...but still!) I know no one was really trying to be judgemental but as a new mom that's how you feel sometimes.

Eventually the pressure got to me and I could only think of one thing to do...leave him in the bathroom. Just grab my stuff and act like we're leaving and then leave him for someone who could handle the screaming to pick him up and keep him. He must have felt my sense of despair because, as I escaped to the bathroom to try to calm him down and to escape the stares (or what felt like stares), he changed my mind. He finally calmed down and as we looked in the mirror I starting talking to him...and out of no where comes a full out belly laugh, followed by several more giggles and laughs. This was the first time he laughed! Was this the same baby that was red in the face and had real tears streaming down for dramatic affect for the past several hours? He just smiled and laughed at me! Maybe the joke was on me..."Ha ha ha Mommy, it's funny to watch you get stressed out!"

Regardless I changed my mind about leaving him in the bathroom for someone to take them as their own and walked back out to the shower. His happiness only lasted for about 15 minutes to which began the screaming again, but I was okay with it. After all he just laughed for the first time...my heart was stolen again!

Amazing how they seem to do something just when you're on the brink of throwing in the towel and placing a sign on them that says "Baby up for adoption - first taker gets him!"