anxious

Lately I've been feeling a lot of anxiety about Zane and his safety. There seems to be so many things even in our own home that can harm him in some way or another. And that's not even getting into the moment we step outside with him.

We have decided not to completely baby proof our home. This means that we have the plugs covered and have latches on the cabinets with chemicals but that's about all. We want to teach him that there are things he can play with and those he can't play with. We haven't padded the corners of our coffee table or put toilet seat locks on. And he's already had a few bruises to count for our hard floors.

But then I read of something like this and realize maybe we need to add furniture straps to our list. I can't read anything related to a child getting hurt now and not relate it to Zane. How would I feel and what can I do to prevent something from happening to him? I walked around our house and wrote down the furniture that probably could use one of these straps.

That night I couldn't fall asleep because I could hear Zane coughing (he's got some congestion going on). He was completely asleep but would cough during his deep breaths of sleep. All these things were running through my head of accidents that could happen in our home, or in someone else's home, and then something else hit me. I'm not in control. What?! If you know me well I like to at least know that the situation is under control. I don't have to be the one doing that but knowing that someone else is in control is comforting. I can't control everything Zane decides to touch, pull on or climb on. He might do it when I've looked away for a moment. I could be anxious 24-7 about all the things that could happen.

And then I have to release the fact that I can't control all things related to Zane's safety. We can take precautions but they're not a a sure way to prevent things from happening. I have to lay it in God's hands that he'll keep my baby safe. And that even if something happens that I have Him to turn to, to cry to and even to complain. I have to tell myself to stop being so anxious and to just enjoy each moment with my child that I get.