one year is here

Zane,

You are one year old today. Your formal 12 month letter is soon to come. I want to be able to recap your birthday festivities over the weekend. I am betting you touch the icing of the cupcake and throw it all on the floor for Truman to have! Because icing will be a texture you will not know and what happens with things like that...to the floor they go!

One year ago you showed up in a snow storm. I don't need to go into details as you can read all of that in the story of your arrival. The day, or should I say the middle of the night when you were born, was so unlike I had it planned all out in my head. I thought it'd be just like the videos we saw and that your dad and I would get to hold you the second you came out. That I'd get to hold you moments after your arrival into the world.

Instead the room was filled with NICU people and you were swooped away to their care to make sure your heart was strong. You showed them your stuff and proved that it was just fine but I sometimes wonder what it would have felt like to hold you that second after you were born. And then I realize that your Daddy got to hold you within minutes of you being born and I feel relieved. Someone who loved you before you entered the world got to finally put their hands on you and kiss you. It took a bit longer for me to get a hold of you as they fixed me up but I eventually got to cuddle in with you and look your Daddy in the eyes in awe of what God had brought to us. Had trusted us, two weirdo artsy people, to raise you.

Maybe that brief moment that I didn't get my hands on you is the cause of my needing that extra kiss each night or craving that moment when your head rests on my shoulder. Or maybe that's all normal Mommy stuff but I don't seem to know what normal is anymore. As your Daddy and I discussed last night whether we should refer to a grilled cheese as a grilled cheese or a cheese toasty and which was the "normal" way and which was the "different," I realized you are doomed! Doomed to hear us say to step out and be different. And then I think am I different? Are we doing things to teach you to step out like that? I'm trying and honestly am struggling with that right now but you have challenged us both to do this and take it on full force.

Your swirly calic in your hair, your love for all things related to coasters, your fascination with dogs and lights, the need to touch Daddy's paints and knock them down, the joy you have to sit on my lap as I type and work on photos as you try to bang the keyboard and the confusion and joy your face holds when Daddy and I kiss and you try to kiss us are all things that already have you standing out to be different. While these may seem like typical baby things to others, to us they are different, new and joyous. Welcome to your first year and the world of different that is to come!

Love,
Mommy & Daddy